


When We Were Young

by wekingsandprettythings



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Phanfiction, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-01 06:36:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wekingsandprettythings/pseuds/wekingsandprettythings
Summary: Dan's always been told that the soulmate tattoo on his wrist matched a girl who passed away when he was a young child, little does he know that it's actually a match to a man who lives 300 miles away who is desperately trying to find him again.





	1. My Little Sandcastle

**Author's Note:**

> based on this tumblr post: https://milku-way.tumblr.com/post/160601653142/people-get-tattoos-once-theyve-found-there
> 
> idk how many chapters this will be yet but i'm well excited to share this new story with you guys!!! enjoy!

Ever since the beginning of time on earth, humans have been pairing up as soulmates. No one knows why or how, but when a person meets their soulmate for the first time, a small tattoo that symbolizes the first meeting shows up somewhere on the couple's skin. 

There are countless stories of how soulmates met and what their tattoos were like and what happened to them as the relationships went on. People would show off the tattoos when ever they could, in the summer months the soulmateless would show as little skin as possible, and people who lost their love would slowly have their tattoos fade.

My mom and dad met at a party at my godmother's house in Manchester when they were 19. Their tattoos are on their left shoulder blades and it looks like a red solo cup, as they got ridiculously drunk together that night. It was also the night they made me, gross, I know.

My soulmate tattoo is on my wrist, its a small gray sandcastle. My parents told me that my soulmate was a little girl from play group who died of leukemia when we were 3. That's why we moved to Wokingham. 

Its sad that I don't remember her, and that I'll never meet her. It just surprises me and everyone I know that my tattoo hasn't faded yet. People think it's because I still love her in my heart, and that because I haven't had the chance to really miss her, due to the fact I don't remember meeting her, it hasn't faded. 

Some of my friends have soulmates. My friend PJ and Sofie are soulmates, as well as Dodie and Dan, and Jack and Hazel, they are all really happy together. My friend Roger’s solemate is another boy from my school called Jeremy, my parents don't let me see him a lot though. 

We used to be best friends, but when he met his soulmate and my parents learned he was another boy, I wasn't allowed to talk to him anymore. But I do anyway. We have class together and we talk on MSN, he just can't come to my house anymore.

It sucks that my parents are homophobic. In this day and age and the fact that there have been gay and lesbian soulmates for as long as there have been people on this earth, it astounds me that my parents could feel this way. It's even worse because a part of me really, really likes boys. 

Especially this one boy. His name is Phil and he makes YouTube videos. I've been watching him for about a year now and he is possibly the best looking person I've ever see in my life. I'd never say that out loud though. 

I watch his videos late at night when my family is asleep, and I don't talk about him to anyone. He's my dirty secret I guess. 

He says he knows he has a soulmate, and that he knows who they are but he hasn't been able to find them in years. He's never made a video about said soulmate, only hinted at it in a few videos. I hope he finds them and is happy one day. He deserves it.

“Dan,” my friend Louise says, knocking me out of my day dream about Phil. “Are you okay, you seem pretty spacey.”

“Oh, I'm just thinking about my tattoo.” My go to excuse when I'm day dreaming. It makes people either feel sad for me or change the topic.

“My dad has two soulmate tattoos, you know. Cause my mom died and then he found another love. I'm sure you'll find another someone in your life.” She says with a reassuring pat on my arm.

I hope I find someone. Someone who has black hair and blue eyes and who is the cutest human in the whole world.

-

I got home, threw my bag on the floor and slumped into my bed. Almost landed on my laptop, but at least it was near me so I could go on it. I pulled up YouTube, and there was a new video from AmazingPhil. 

“The Truth About My Soulmate”

His normal cute bubbly self opened up the video with the classic “Hi guys!” But then the mood shifted. 

“I've told you guys that I have a soulmate but I've never told you about them in detail.” He smiled slightly. 

“When I was 7 my mom took me to a park and there was another child there, he was probably 3 or 4 and we played for a little while in the sandbox. I remember feeling a tingle in my wrist and I looked down and my tattoo was showing up.” He doesn't look too happy telling the story.

“I ran to my mom and his mom and I told them” he shifts to a black and white clip reenacting how it happened. “Look mom its my tattoo, he's my soulmate!!

“But the other child's mom had this disgusting look on her face and took her child and left.” He looked sad, it jumped cut, “and I haven't seen him since. My mom said his parents are probably terrible people and that love is love and if my soulmate is a boy it's fine. One day I'll find him again.” His smile was back. 

“So if you happen to be watching this and you are or you know a boy who is 16 or 17 who has a tattoo on their wrist of a sandcastle please contact me.” he says, lifting his arm to the camera and showing the light gray tattoo.

A sandcastle. On his wrist. Light gray, like mine. Exactly like mine. I used to live in Manchester. My parents are homophobic. And suddenly I'm crying.

He's my soulmate. Not some girl from preschool who had cancer. My soulmate is a boy who is alive and well and amazing. No pun intended. 

I'm crying because this is the worst thing that could have happened to me. My parents are liars. Every time they told me my soulmate died and that it means I'll never find true love only half love was because they fucked it up for me. They took me from a place where I could have been happy my whole life and moved me here and stuffed my head with utter lies. I want to hate them.

I really want to hate them. But I love them, how could you love someone so much and lie to them? How have they not felt bad about this? What is happening?

I want to email him or tweet him and tell him it's me, Daniel Howell from Wokingham, who is his soulmate. But I am 17, dependent on my parents still and definitely not able to make this work just yet. 

So I'll wait.


	2. Hi, I'm Dan

“Bye mom, I love you too.” I said as my mom got in her car and drove off. I waved to her and she pulled out of my new dorm rooms parking lot. 

Manchester University is going to be my new home for the next 4 years. 

My parents were a bit reluctant to let me go to school 3 hours away, at least that's what they said. Really it was just because I decided to go to Manchester of all places.

I never let them know that I knew. I stopped asking about my soulmate and never talked to them about it. My mom often tried to bring the topic up when i was sad, thinking that telling me I'd find someone to make me happy like “she” could have, and every time it made me feel sick.

Every time it took everything in me to not scream at her that the only person who would make me happy was my original soulmate who they took me away from.

 

Eventually they were okay with me going, seeing as I got a scholarship and they didn't have a lot of money to send me else where, so that's why they think I'm here. 

Really I'm here for Phil. The scholarship was a bonus really, I was going to come here come hell or high water. 

My mom drove me here, her car was packed with all my things. I told them I was bringing everything cause if I needed something I wouldn't be able to travel 300 miles back for it. Truth be that I knew once I came here and found Phil I'd never be home again.

My dad was on set of some movie working the special effects so he couldn't come with us, but it's okay. She helped me up pack and move in and make me feel a little more at home. And maybe I'll even feel more at home here that home really was.

Even though my dorm literally looks like a prison cell, it's turned out kinda homey. I brought my same bed clothes and all my favorite stuffed animals. My posters are up and my favorite books are on a shelf. Everything I need is here. 

I want to get settled in school and know what I'm doing in my course work before I add the stress of telling Phil who I am. I want to know where my classrooms are and have my schedule and some friends and feel like a well put together adult before I tell him.

He's made a few more videos addressing the topic of his soulmate and the fact they haven't come forward. Apparently some people are faking being me and getting his hopes up and letting him down, and it makes me feel a little sick that I can't tell him yet. 

Louise came here for school too, and she's actually the only one I've ever told about Phil. She's stayed up with me while I cried about what is going to happen when I find him, how I'm probably going to lose my family if I go through with this, and how bad I feel about making the love of my life wait. 

“Knock knock,” she said while walking into my new dorm room.

“Hey Lou,” I said, sitting at my new desk arranging my books. Being a psych student means I'll have lots of book and lots of homework.

“Have you emailed him yet?” She asked sitting on my bed. 

“No, I'm going to get settled a bit before I go looking for him.” 

“Aw, I want my best friend to fall in love already!” She sighed.

“I will soon.”

-

I let out a long breath. Let my shoulders rest and cracked my knuckles. It's time.

I've been here two months. I've had the worst anxiety of my whole life about being here, wondering if I'd accidentally bump into him at tesco or Starbucks and have to explain why I never told him.

But I'm ready now.

“Hi,  
My name is Daniel Howell, I'm 18 and I have a light grey sandcastle tattoo on my wrist. When I was 3 my parents moved from Manchester to Wokingham, they told me it was because my soulmate had died from cancer and they didn't think I needed to grow up in sadness. Turns out they are actually just homophobic and deathly afraid that my soulmate ended up being a man.   
I found you when I was 15, and then you made your soulmate video when I was 17. I'm 18 now, I would have reached out sooner but I was afraid of what would happen if my parents found out.   
I am currently going to Manchester University and if you'd like to meet up to prove that I'm really your soulmate I'd really like that.  
Dan♥”

I proofed it a few times, hit send, closed my laptop, and started to cry. 

I just messaged the love of my life. I took the first step foreword for my happiness and now I have to wait.

Being here and talking to Phil means I can hide him from my parents. Which means I can keep whatever relationship I have with them alive for the time being.

It's going to suck when they stop talking to me. It's going to more than suck. It's going to kill me. The people who are supposed to love and support me are going to leave my life and I don't know how I'm going to deal with that.

But Christmas break is coming in another 2 months, which means I'll have to go home. If things work between me and Phil then I'll have to either pretend I've not yet met anyone to tell them the truth and be prepared to take a last minute train back to Manchester on Christmas day.

This whole situation is fucked, but if Phil is a kind and sweet as I imagine him to be I think I can make it through this with him by my side.


	3. Never Again

Three days have gone by. He's been tweeting, he doesn't seem busy but he might not have seen the email or maybe he gets too many to have found it. Who knows? All I know if the anxiety about waiting is worst than the anxiety I had about sending it. 

My Facebook just pinged in the background of my music, who the heck is messaging me? Its 3 am and I have a paper due in 2 days.

The words ‘Message from Phil Lester’ made my heart sink.

Phil: Hi I hope this is the right Dan, I have spent the last 3 days looking you up. I wanted to ensure that you weren't some butthead pretending to be my soulmate, it's happened a lot before. But all things have checked out. My mom even thinks she remembers your mother referring to you as Daniel when you left the park that day. Anyway, I'd love to meet you in person. If you're free soon let me know, I'm available all the time but I don't want to take you away from studying, message me soon♥

I'm, I don't, what is this feeling in my chest. It's like butterflies but more intense, like there's a fucking eagle in my chest flapping its wings. My heart is beating funny and I don't know when the tears started rolling down my cheeks. 

Frantically I type a response, not giving a fuck about typos or spelling, I just want to let him know I'm free.

Daniel: Hi omg I have class tomorrow from 10-3 and after that I am free, I can meet you anywhere you'd like after that

He read it, 

Phil: I can come to the Starbucks on campus so you don't have to go too far

Daniel: Is 4 okay?

I want time to look nice after class before I meet the love of my life.

Phil: Yes holy heck I'll meet you then, but till then what are you doing? I want to talk and get to know you

Daniel: I'm writing a paper for my intro to psych class, it's boring but I'm almost done and it's due in two days which means I'll have some time to relax this weekend, you?

Phil: freaking out that I found you

I can't begin to fathom what it must be like to know your whole life that your soulmate was ripped out of your life. But that's what he's gone through, and now he's found me. Me of all people. Boring old Dan Howell and I'm all he's wanted. How fucking crazy is that?

-

I might as well have not gone to class today. I didn't focus at all. Every single thought in my mind was on Phil. Meeting him, falling more in love with him, hoping he falls for me, and seeing myself be finally happy.

Louise walked me back to my room, “what are you wearing?” 

“This, why? Is it not cute?” I panicked and checked myself out in the mirror, spinning a little almost losing balance as my heart bested out my chest.

“No no, it's nice I thought you'd want to show off your tattoo.”

Right, once I see him it should change color, liven up and look bold. “I'll wear my three quarter sleeve shirt so I don't freeze and he can see it.” I say whipping off my shirt and digging through my drawers.

“I'm so proud of you.” She says, her voice cracking as to not cry.

“Don't. I can't cry yet. I don't want him to meet me with a puffy post cry face!” I warn her.

“I won't. Just have fun, take it all in and call me if you need anything.” 

“Yes mum.”

-

I left for the coffee shop early so that I'd be there waiting for him before 4, but to my surprise I could see him through the window already here. 

He was facing away from me as I walked in. I felt my arm start to tingle to the point it almost burned, the small sandcastle started to turn the blackest black I've ever seen.

A woman held the door open for me but I was too preoccupied by staring at my tattoo to see her waiting for me to enter. “Dear me! You're meeting your soulmate today!” She yells.

I see Phil whip his head around and stand up as soon as he hears the word soulmate. Hes holding his arm out, he feels it too. 

Everyone in the building is cheering as we run to one another. Our chests collide and he embraces me, I hold on to him so tight I feel as if I could break him. I can feel his heart through his shirt and I can hear my own beating in my ears. 

Its surreal. He smells like vanilla and dreams and warmth and happiness. He's soft, his arms cold to the tough but his chest radiating heat. His face rubs against mine and I can feel the stubble he has.

I pull away from him enough that I can still hold him and look him in the eyes. I move my hands to cup his cheeks, he’s still holding my waist. The same blue swimming pools I've seen though my computer screen for almost 2 years are staring back at me.

I rub my thumbs over his cheeks a little, he has a birthmark on the left side of his mouth and two freckles on his chin. His eyebrows don't match his hair but sweet god he's like an angel to me.

“Hi” I manage to say.

“Hi to you.” He says back, still staring me down.

“It’s nice to meet you, soulmate.” he says with a cheeky grin that makes his tongue pop out through his teeth, a smile I've seen online before but manages to take my breath away up close.

“I love you.” I say to him, “I know I love you.” 

He laughs, pulling me back into a hug, “I’ve always known that i’ve loved you. And now you’re here.”

-

We both got a coffee, which was on the house due to that fact the boss was a sucker for soulmates. Everyone's eyes were on us and we couldn't really sit and talk, so I asked him to come back to my dorm room. 

“So this is my-” I opened the door and Louise was still there. “Hi Louise.”

“Hi you're back- Phil!” She said standing up and giving him a big hug. “It's so nice to meet you! Dan and I have watched your videos for ages!”

I didn't want them to meet yet, Louise is very open and tends to embarrass me a lot. 

“Well, I'll see you later Daniel.” She said walking out and closing the door behind her.

I grabbed Phil's hand and led him to my bed so we could sit together. “She's the only one I ever told about you.” 

“I'm sorry you've had to keep this a secret for so long.” Phil says, he's still holding my hand and rubbing circles on it with his thumb.

“It's only been a year. And it wasn't hard. My parents don't care about what I do outside of getting good marks at school so they never suspected that I knew the truth.”

“Did you at least have a good childhood?” he asks.

“Yeah.” I said, scooting back so we could rest against the wall and be a little more comfortable. I handed him one of my pillows for his back, and grabbed one for mine and took his hand back in mine. 

“My parents love me. Yeah, they lied to me, but like, they did it because in their minds they were keeping me safe. In their heads they see being gay as being wrong, and I'll never understand why. But they did love me a lot.”

“What's going to happen when they find out?” He says, leaning his head onto my shoulder.

I tilt my head onto his, “I'll get kicked out and disowned. But it's okay cause I have all my things with me so I think I'll be good.”

“And you'll have me. I'll always take care of you. You're never leaving me again.” He says, his bottom lip quivering, and I can hear him wanting to cry.

“I never want to.”


	4. Two Hearts, One Home

Phil and I spent the whole weekend together. We went for breakfast and to the shops and held hands and cuddled on his couch and I still can't believe he's in my life, finally.

We made stir fry for dinner at his apartment tonight and the whole time I just stared at him and took it all in.

AmazingPhil was this strange and funny creature that I adored because I knew he was mine. But Phil Lester, he's so much more. He's the sound of rain on a Sunday morning when you have nothing planned. He's the smell of a new book you've been dying to read. He's the feeling you get when you're at the top of a roller coaster about to go down a drop. He's everything to me.

I thought I loved him when I was just watching him from my computer in my bedroom. But seeing him, and touching him, and holding him made me realise I didn't truly love him.

But I do now. 

There's this feeling you have when you love someone from afar where your heart aches because you want them desperately and that fuels the ‘love’ you think you're feeling. But real love happens after you meet them and you realise that never seeing them again will absolutely kill you and that feeling is love. That feeling of your heart crushing and you're stomach twisting just due to the thought of losing them is love.

And boy do I never want to lose him.

-

For a month we have been each other's whole world. He was with me or I was with him or we were on Skype or wishing we were together. It was a long 18 years without him, I'm not taking a single moment for granted now.

“After class on Friday can you come with me to my parents house for the weekend?” Phil asks down Skype while I'm studying in my room.

“Yes! I want to meet your family!” I say, throwing my pen down.

“Really? Cause my mum is dying to meet you!” 

“Tell her I feel the same.”

-

All week leading up to meeting his family we Skyped and texted and called each other a little more than normal. He even came and saw me after class and took me for coffees and actually slept in my bed with my on Thursday. I've always been a fan of platonic cuddling, but cuddling with my soulmate was so unbelievably wonderful. 

There's stories of soulmates having the same heartbeat, but Phil's is different to mine. His is calm and steady. Mine races. It might be because I'm naturally anxious and not a very easily relaxed person. But I relax very well with Phil on my side, cuddled into me.

When he sleeps he lightly snores. It made me laugh the first few times I felt the hot breath from his nose on my neck as he snored. He also really liked to cuddle, which is amazing. Every chance we get we're pressed close together. Weather it's spooning at night or cuddling on his couch with my head pressed to his chest or when he rests his head on my shoulder in a cab. We like to always be touching.

He came and got me at my dorm, we called a cab and drove over together. Phil said the drive over would be 30 minutes and he also warned me of what to expect when we got there. 

“So mum is like me. She’s very outgoing and funny. Martyn and my dad are laid back and sarcastic. They are all going to make lots of joke about me finally finding you.” He was nervous. Really nervous, to the point he couldn't keep still.

“That’s okay.” I smiled at him, “I’m going to love them no matter what.”

The cab turned down his street, he tested his mother to tell her we were close. She was waiting on the front lawn for us. She started to giggle and jump a little when we pulled in the driveway, overly happy for her boy.

I got out and smiled at her, She ran over to me and hugged me. She smelled like they typical mum, like clean sheets and good memories. I love her, mainly because she created Phil and also because there’s a part of me that knows she’ll take care of me when my parents are gone. 

She grabbed my face and took a look at me, “You still have the same cute face you did when you were 3.” She said softly. 

“Thank you Mrs. Lester” I smiled and blushed. 

“Call me Catherine, or mum.”

She paid off the cab, and Phil took my hand leading me inside. I’ve seen select parts of this house in his videos, and it’s bigger than I imagined. Phil’s dad, Michael, was in the kitchen cutting a roast, Phil’s brother was in the lounge with a red headed woman. 

“Phil!” he shouted, getting up and going to hug Phil. 

Phil dropped my hand and embraced Martyn. It was nice to see someone have such a good relationship with their sibling, seeing as i never had the chance to have one. 

“This is Cornelia. I met her at work and look!” He said, pulling his sleeve up to show a small tattoo of a treble clef on his shoulder. “She was singing in the break room when I walked in and fell in love with her.” 

Cornelia stood behind him, showing her tattoo off as well and then coming over to hug Phil. 

“You must be Dan.” Martyn said, taking me into a hug. They were a huggy bunch of people. I loved it. “Let’s see it!” he said.

I turned my arm over to display the dark sandcastle tattoo on my wrist. “In all the nights Phil and I stayed up talking about finding you, I never thought we’d both find our soulmates so close to each other.” 

“I never thought I’d ever have a soulmate.” I said and shrugged. 

“Why’s that dear? You had your tattoo the whole time?” His mum asks, sitting down on the couch and we all follow.

I sit next to Phil and rest my hand in his again. “My parents told me that when I was in playgroup there was a little girl named Caroline that I played with in the sandbox and she was my soulmate.” they all looked at me funny.

“They said she had leukaemia and died when we were three and they moved because they didn’t want me to be surrounded by people who knew her while I never would.

“And they always made me feel like it was my fault for some reason. Like I would never experience love and it was my own doing. When now I see they were just homophobic and projecting their feelings of me being set up with another boy.”

 

Phil's mum came and sat beside me, “I'm so sorry love.” And patted my knee.

“It's okay. At least I know the truth and I have Phil now.” I said smiling over to him. He reached for word and kissed me on the lips. 

-

Dinner was nice. Phil's parents are the cutest married couple I've ever met. Unlike my parents, they are completely in love with every aspect of each other. They bicker and joke and make each other feel crazy while mine just l because they get frustrated with the other.

Phil's dad has a dirty sense of humor, he bugs Catherine with dirty jokes and embarrasses her and his kids. It's sweet because you can see how much they love each other. I aspire to be like that with Phil one day.

“Can I ask what your tattoos are?” I asked his parents over desert.

“Of course, we have rattles on the bottoms of our feet.” Catherine said, smiling at her husband. “He was born the day before I was and he was in the PICU for having a low heartbeat and I was born early so I was sent to the PICU as well and the nurses saw our tattoos, we've been by each others side since.”

“That is so cute, oh my gosh.” Cornelia chipped in.

“Our families moved next door to each other, we went to school together, we got married at 19 and had Martyn at 27 when we finished university. We've had a good life together.” 

That could have been me and Phil. We could have been best friends for longer. I have to remind myself to not get mad that I missed so much time with him, and just accept the fact I have him now.

“We're going to go upstairs, not sure if we'll be down later so if not goodnight.” Phil kissed his mum on the cheek and I gave her a hug.

His room was just like it used to be in his videos. The green walls and the Buffy posters still up, his parents having cleaned everything else out, getting ready to repaint it soon.

“Film a video with me?” Phil asked.

We sat down on his floor together and made a makeshift tripod from things in his room. I was a little nervous that someone my parents knew would find this video of us together and they would learn the truth. But it didn't matter, they would find out soon anyway.

Phil tweeted out “hey guys send me questions that I'll answer with MY SOULMATE!!” Hyping them up a little, most of the replies were congratulations and people wondering if it was true, he rest were funny questions.

“Lindsey wants to know when we're getting married?” He says, laughing at the question.

“I want to finish school first.” I said, completely serious with a soft smile on my face. Admiring the love of my life. 

He tackled me into a hug on the floor and kissed me all over my face.


	5. Before, Now, and Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm ending it here! thanks so much for reading its meant a lot to me! i do use the word fa**ot in this and i hate the word so much but it fit the story and where i was taking it, i'm sorry

Sunday morning Phil and i woke up to Catherine lightly knocking on his door. Phil was spooned into my back, both of us facing the door when she walked in. She smiled at the sight of the two of us together.

“Breakfast is almost ready if you want to come down and join us.” She spoke softly, and then closed the door, leaving again. 

Phil let out a sigh, his hot breath against my shoulder made me smile. I still wasn’t used to him being with me when I woke up. “Let’s go spend one last day with my family.” He said before crawling over me and off the bed. His butt looked cute in his underwear. 

We put our PJ’s on and went down stairs together, I hadn’t done anything with my hair, it was slightly curly and all over the place, but Phil smiled every time he looked at me so it wasn’t too bad. 

They had a whole array of breakfast foods set on the counter for us to choose from, we all sat together at the table. All the Lester's and the two future additions. I could get used to this. 

“Christmas is in a month, and I’m going to tell my parents about Phil then.” I announced to everyone.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea dear?” Catherine asked. 

“I’ll do it at the end of my visit, I’ll give them one last good Christmas and then tell them before I have to catch the train home.”

“No, if you’re telling them on the last day then we’ll drive down and pick you up. You’ll need someone there for you.” Michael said. 

“You don’t have to go out of your way for me.” 

“You’re family now Dan, we’ll do anything for you.”

-

The rest of the month went along quite fast. I had exams coming up and I also told my college I wouldn’t be returning to the dorms for the following semester, instead I’d be living with Phil. On the weekends we moved a lot of my things from my tiny room to his apartment until the only things in my dorm were a select amount of clothes and my books. It felt good to be moving along with my life. 

Phil and I prepped for what I’d tell my parents and how the week would go. I was going to change his name in my phone to a girl's name so I could text him and get away with it if my parents saw. Then because my room is far enough from my parents I could call him before bed and they wouldn’t hear me.

For they day I actually have to tell them we agreed that I wouldn't say anything until Phil texted me that they were outside, so I could get out fast if I needed to. 

My parents have never been Physically abusive to me. They yell a lot and the only time my dad ever hit me was because I told him to fuck off when I was 7. I learned the phrase from him always saying it to my mother so it wasn't a real surprise I said it when I was mad at him. 

“What do you think will happen?” Phil said, running a hand through my curls as I laid on his chest. 

“They’re going to yell, call me a faggot, call you one and maybe tell me I’m going to hell.” I said. “At least that's what happened when I told them my friend Roger found out his soulmate was another boy.”

“Is it bad that I want to hate them?” He asked.

It took me a minute to think of a response, because I felt the same way. “No. a part of me wants to hate them, but the larger part of me that's loved them through everything isn’t allowing it.”

“I wish i could help, but I don’t know what it's like to have parents who don't support you and then i feel as though that's mean to say.” Phil says, his hands still in my hair.

“Eighteen years of emotional abuse has sucked. But all I can think about is the lifetime of good memories I will have with you and your family.”

-

“Hello sweetheart.” My mum said, picking me up from the train station.

“Hi mum,” I said, reaching to hug her. “How are you?”

“Wonderful now that you’re home.” She said, taking my bag from me and walking us to the car.

On the drive home I fiddled with my jacket sleeve, I was so worried that she would see that it was darker and I'd have to explain. The whole ride she asked about school and if I'd found any girls and I told her I hadn't found anyone I liked enough yet. Complete and total lie. 

I didn't feel bad for lying. If they some how managed to lie to me for 15 years I could do it for 3 days. 

Dad wasn't going to be home for a while, he had to work till late which meant it was just mum and I. She asked about my course work and what I planned on doing with my degree and I had to lie to her again. 

Doing anthropology, sociology and psychology it all works with how the human race works as well as how feelings, sexuality and gender work. To me it's all a social construct to my parents there are boys and girls and straights and the confused. So I had to say I didn't know what I wanted to do, when really I want to help people who are scared and confused in who they are find happiness.

Mum went to bed before dad got in, I stayed up to watch TV and so I could say hello before he joined her. For the first time in my life he looked happy to see me. He hugged me and said it was nice to have me home and then went to bed. It was strange.

It was too weird, i called Phil. “Hey babe.” he picked up on the second ring.

“Hi.”

“You don't sound too happy.”

“I'm not. My parents are so happy to see me I feel so terrible that I am going to break their hearts in 2 days.” 

“I was reading up on emotional abuse and that's one of the side effects. You get so caught up in what you believe is love, when it's actually manipulation and you need to do what's best for you. And I'll be here the whole way”

“I know. I wish you were here with me Phil.”

“I wish I was there with you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

-

We stayed on the phone till the early hours of the morning. My phone bill was probably going to be very large, but my parents pay for it, and I'll probably have to give them my phone when I leave tomorrow. 

I woke up to the smell of bacon and the realisation that it was Christmas morning. My parents always knew how much I liked to sleep and never pushed me to get up early on Christmas.

I texted Phil a quick good morning I love you text and went to join my “family”.

Mum was cooking breakfast, my dad was reading the Wokingham Times with his coffee and suddenly I felt as if I was 14 again. Everything felt so weird, I hadn't seen them like this in months and it was nice. It was nice that this would be one of my last happy memories with them.

“Good morning Daniel” they said in unison. 

“Morning.” I said, taking a seat at the end of the table. I looked down and saw my tattoo, which is out in the open. “You know its a bit chilly I'm going to run and grab my house coat.” I said, apining from the chair and running to the stairs.

“Alright,” I heard muffled behind me.

The rest of breakfast was quiet. We were always quiet. They never really talked to me, because they didn't really know me. I was just the kid they had at 19 who ended up being gay.

“Care to open presents Daniel?” They asked me, to which I said sure.

They handed me a small envelope, I was expecting money due to the fact its what they gave me every year. But I opened it and it was a gift card to a tattoo removal place. Fuck.

“Oh?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“We know how sad it must be to have a tattoo and no soulmate, so we got you this. Then you can meet someone with out any baggage.” My mum explained.

“Okay.” 

“Do you not want to get rid of your tattoo Daniel?” My father asked.

“Its just so sudden. I'll need some time to have it sink in. Can I go upstairs for a moment?” I said, getting up and leaving before they could even say no.

I went to the bathroom and locked the door. It being the only place with a lockable door, so I could call Phil.

“I need to get out of here.” I said before he could say hello.

“What's happened are you okay?” 

“They want me to get my tattoo removed.”

“What? Are you serious?”

“Yes! I need to tell them and leave. I'm going to get a train ticket and come home early.”

“No you're not! Mum and I are laving now. Don't do anything till we're close!”

-

I stayed in my room, which wasn't abnormal. My parents didn't bother me, they did how ever drop off my lunch so I didn't starve.

Phil texted me when they were 20 minutes away, and i started to plan. My bag was still packed, I made sure I didn't have anything left in my old room, and I headed down the stairs. 

Mum and dad were sitting together in the lunch having tea, I took a deep breath and walked in.

“Why did you lie to me?” I asked, both their heads shot around to look at me in horror.

“What do you mean?” My father asked.

“Why didn't you say my soulmate was actually a boy from Manchester?” I said. I felt my throat cramp as I tried not to cry.

“we- we were just trying to protect you?!” My mother shouts.

“From what?” I shout back, for the first time in my life. “Phil is the most sweetest and loving man in the world and you kept him from me for fifteen years!”

“Phil?” My dad questions.

I hold up my wrist to show my darkened tattoo, “I found him 2 years ago and we've been seeing each other for 3 months and I love him.”

“You don't love him! You love the idea of a soulmate!” My mother spat.

“No child of mine is going to be a faggot!” My dad yelled at me.

“I guess you just lost a child then.” I said, turning to walk out of the room. The tears finally starting to fall down my face. 

I walked out the door as Phil and his mum drove up the drive way. I wiped my cheeks and walked right into Phil's arms.

“Get back here Daniel!” My mother yelled. 

“Dan honey, get in the car.” Phil's mother says as she steps out. 

“My son is not running off to be with your faggot son!” My dad yelled at Phil's mother.

“My son is not a faggot.” She said in the most stern voice I think she could muster. “He is a human being! He is kind and loyal and caring and wonderful! All the characteristics you will never have Mr. Howell.”

My father stood there with his moth open, stunned that someone talked back to him and even more stunned that it was a woman.

“If you even think of following us or looking for us I will personally kick your ass!

“you are despicable people! How could you treat your child like this? The being you birthed and were supposed to love and cherish? He's better off now. Good day.” She said, slamming her car door and driving away. 

I left my head on Phil's shoulder the majority of the ride back. My tears staining his shirt and eventually I fell asleep.

I woke up to Phil quietly asking his mother if she could drop us off at our apartment. “I want to be alone with him.” He said.

“Of course dear. Take care of your boy.”

-

Phil and I walked up to our home, hand in hand. Our home. Mine and Phil's home. My only home and the only home I need. Which I share with Phil, my soulmate. 

I cried when we walked in the door. He hugged me, rubbed his hands all up and down my back and shushed me.

“I love you, you're safe here.” He said to me.

“I love you too.” 

We sat in bed for a few hours, cuddled together for company and support. 

“Can we have sex?” I asked him.

“What?” He laughed at me.

“We've been together for three months and were going to be together for the rest of our lives, it only makes sense that we'd have sex at some point.” I explained. 

He sat up, threw his shirt off and flipped me onto my back. “I thought you'd never ask.”

I giggled while he undressed me and kissed me all over. To feel worshipped and loved was something I'll never get used to.

He was soft. He showed me he cared and that he loved me. He took his time with everything and I swear to god I almost went into the light when I orgasmed. 

-

“Merry Christmas.” He whispered into my ear when we were done. 

“That was the best present I've ever gotten.”

“Speaking of, I have another one for you. Hold on.” Phil said getting up, still completely naked, and running out of the room. His naked ass cheeks jiggled as he went and bit was the cutest thing I've seen. 

He came back in with a small box. “Its pretty obvious that we're going to be married one day but I thought you'd want a ring as well.” 

“Shut up! Phil?” I said, drawing out the I and whining.

“Put it on!”

It was a small silver band with three white diamonds on it. “One for each month we've known each other?” I questioned.

“No.” He said getting closer and taking my hand. “This one is for when I first met you. I loved you then. This one if for me loving you now. And this one is for the fact that I'll love you for the rest of time. Before, now, and forever.”


End file.
